...and so is the first annual Kirkiversary. What a time to be alive... any who, here's to another season of fantasy where friends become enemies, enemies become friends, and my will to live is determined by my teams performance each week. May the odds ever be in your favor... unless you're a Dallas Cowboys fan.
In that case you can suck it.
With the dues doubling this year, it is mandatory that we have twice the fun with the league, which only happens when we all get way too invested. Put money on your team! Take the under! Root against the Cowboys! Do whatever you have to do to make BEN IV the most cohesive, involved, and polished season we have experienced yet.
Steeler Virginity @ Hawaiian Turtles
Caden v. Isaac
Out of respect for Jayden Daniels, Steeler Virginity has decided to have {redacted} players on questionable status as we close on the eve of this season.
Will Isaac take advantage of the situation his team is presented with? Sporting only a 1.7 estimated point advantage, this matchup could be an easy indicator for how these gentleboys respective seasons will go.
Carson's Thoughts: This is my MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! I think both of these teams have a lot to prove. Does Caden really suck? (hey now, it was just one bad year) Is Isaac a one season wonder? (Probably) Is Puka going to bite anymore women? (1000% yes) These questions will all be answered soon. (Gutentag Mama)
Luke's score prediction: LOCK 122.4 | TURt 126.1
Nuts For Chest @ Atlanta ATLiens
Luke v. Mohit
Big Boi, Andre 3000 and Julius Chestnut walk into a bar....?
This games 1.7 point spread has only widened since the initial post-draft predictions, opening the door for an otherwise "mid-off" of a matchup to be an interesting score box to keep an eye on - despite it being Week 1's lowest total prediction sum.
Carson's Thoughts: A real 50/50 matchup. This game could truly go either way. I believe Mohits running backs give him the edge, but don't sleep on a potential top 5 RB candidate like Chase Brown
Never bet on yourself.
Luke's score prediction: NFC 123.2 | ATL 125.0
Washington Fourskins @ Horn Dogs
Johnathan v. Ava
Is the roommates to lovers storyline beginning early this season? My money is on no.
However, my money is also on Ava. The Horn Dogs inaugural matchup is one we are all watching with great interest. The 4.9 point spread leaves Johnny with the safest game according to the computer, but thats all AI anyways.
Carson's Thoughts: With my two lovers battling for the first time I'm eager to watch. Both of these teams are potentially league winners, but who's going to be the defining factor? I'm looking at the running backs... will Omarion Hampton display dominance in a new offense against the lack luster Cardinals? Or can Jahmyr Gibbs display his RB1 capabilities against a miserable NFC South opponent.
*Ava you better put BTA on ol' Johnny this week, literally and figuratively!
Luke's score prediction: HD 127.3 | WASH 126.9
Dr Diddler @ Sea Cox
Eric v. Sudais
Someone else write something, I'm tired boss. OKAY!! here goes: If operation Desert Storm took the form of a fantasy matchup, it would be this! Here we'll see if the leagues prized white boy can "bomb" his competition, Super Sexy Sudais. Ahead of this matchup we all saw Eric get absolutely robbed in a trade where delinquent Josh Jacobs returned to Dr Diddler only to get himself put in timeout for rough housing during recess (btw thanks for Cam ❤️) But it doesn't look so bleak as he might still have a chance against the Sea Cox who find themselves as the underdogs.
I’ll also chip in here. Eric traded away Skattebo for Jacobs just for him to be effectively suspended for a while. Tough break, but even after that he’s favored to win against the former regular season champion Sudais. Sudais’ was able to keep JSN for a measly 5th round pick and followed that up in round 6 by drafting…Dontayvion Wicks? Thanks for keeping the league balanced -Mohit
Carson's Thoughts: We narrowly avoided another Sudais super team. Eric would have a comfortable lead this week if he wasn't a nincompoop. I think Eric's team could succeed with some wavier wire ingenuity, and the most daunting, Rashee Rice not being a hoodlum.
Luke's score prediction: EET 127.4 | SC 126.0
Forty Minors @ Ryan's Rowdy Team
Carson v. Ryan
Wow. Another rigged season with Carson getting to lay pipe week 1.
Ryan might actually check the group chat this year if he gets diddled hard enough out the gate. The 2.8 score spread in favor of the Minors is only enough for me to passively check the box after the weekend is over.
Second most boring matchup of the week, here is Will Levis putting mayo in his coffee. Would've had him putting his mayo in something else 😏 - but this is a mixed gender league now so #respectful.
Carson's Thoughts: Guys I promise I'll try not to be biased. With no surprise, auto draft did... okay. With question marks on both of the teams, its important to look at the core members, and I think its a lot more matched than meets the eye. I'm excited to get the season started, and hoping the TikTok "Fantasy Experts" are wrong about Bayshul Tuten.
Luke's score prediction: FM 132.4 | RRT 127.9
Closing remarks... yadayadayada... words of encouragement... free Tory Lanez... Whatever.
LET'S GO BIG BLUE!!! F**K THE COWBOYS!!!
luv u tho Johnny
If you haven’t already, now’s your last chance to catch up with the newest rules we implemented by reading this blog below:
Mohit Patel
You'll also notice that if you have not paid your league dues yet, your roster is limited. You won't be able to add players from free agency, make waiver claims, or complete trades. Once you pay your league due of $30, I'll immediately unlock your roster.
Fine Print
By participating in this league, you agree to follow the rules. The commissioner reserves the right to issue rulings regarding league matters so long as they don’t conflict with pre-existing rules or previously proposed, but rejected, amendments. These rulings include, but are not limited to: vetoing trades despite public vote, collusion, tanking, and inactivity.
Thank you for being in this league.